Bi Longo a Nyanha ee Nje Nhiie

So.  I’ve been considering pretty carefully what and why I write this.  Somebody that read it put it quite clearly when he said that this read as a mix between bragging, offering useless advice, and pretending to be a philosopher.  Or he said something along those lines.  And that is quite true.  Those seem harsh, but they’re definitely true, and even if I am doing those things exactly, I know you are mostly amused with it.  So it’s still good for everybody.  But.  It could be better.

What I’ve been up to in my mind (which is drastically affecting what I’ve been up to in my body):  

I’ve been trying to surround myself with people I have faith in.  My main outlook on life is that I should try to be optimistic and positive, and surround myself with the good so as to create a synergistic spiral of delight.  There is so much negative going on in the world, and there is no reason to escape it, but only an opportunity to choose to embrace the qualities in humans that will allow us to change the negative things, and in doing so create something better than neutral.

So I’ve been working on creating color in my life, supporting the world around me, and supporting fully the ecosystem that is my body with food and exercise and deep thought.  I’ve been working on creating a community around myself that wants to enjoy this lifestyle with me.

How that relates to my vagina (you didn’t fool me – I know that’s all you care about):  I have been resisting certain types of intimacy (sex) to some degree, because I have been disappointed in how some people don’t make an effort to create positive effects in the world.  I’m not exactly traumatized by this, but disappointed.  I like sex to be an act of communion and shared ecstasy, not an act of fulfilling a certain need dictated by certain standards of cultural legitimacy.  I was feeling like I was being fucked more than being allowed to experience the intensity of penetration.  Which means I’m a sex camel!

Except for a certain couple people who I still have total faith in, and a couple of people I would like to develop total faith in.  I realized that I am so interested in playing with power (real power, not just blindfolds and ropes, but hearts and minds) that it is probably unsafe to do it with less powerful people than myself.  I don’t want to hurt people, I don’t want people to disappoint me, I don’t want people to idolize me…I just want to play in a very serious way.  

But, of course my body still wants sex.  Lots of it.  So if you want to develop faith in humanity with me, please suggest that we do so, and we totally will.  Also, my 18th birthday is coming up, so expect pictures and videos and such to be plastered all over the internet.  Can’t sex-camel that one.

Also, you should come to my birthday party!  Probably Rick’s at 2pm on the 13th?

A Gallant Return!

So.  It’s been too long.  I first went to Sierra Leone, then wasn’t in the mood to write, then…well, you know.  Things get busy and then there’s too much to write about and you can’t focus, etc.

Here’s what made me come back and write:

A pink honesty box message I got a couple months ago said “your obsession with sex is strange and disconcerting for someone your age.” (Honesty box message, for any who don’t know, is basically an anonymous message sent through facebook.  Pink means the person identifies as female.)  So I replied that I hoped strange and disconcerting fell on the intriguing side rather than the disgusting side, and just kind of a nice dismissal of “ok, we can agree to disagree” that I’m used to doing when it comes to straight girls.

The good part:  I got a message in reply to that message just a couple of days ago that informed me of this girl’s sexual liberation and interests in pegging ladies and other such fancy activities.  That’s absolutely my dream come true!

So I had to come back, because if I can inspire anybody in the least little bit to take their sexuality more seriously as an element of their identity, then I will.

—

One of the reasons I haven’t been writing is because I haven’t fully formed opinions on the awesome things I’ve been doing in bed lately.  And out of bed.  I could brag about how I talked to the Shanghai Pearl at a party I went to, or talk about how baffling female circumcision is to me, or invite you into the quandary I’m facing because I’m developing a latex sensitivity that I can no longer ignore, or some things like that.  I could talk about how much I love this boy named Skye but I don’t know what to think about that love because it’s completely painless and it’s rare to see that kind of love and it seems to make people skeptical of it’s legitimacy.

But in actuality I’m just obsessed with living in my body right now.  Exercising and going places and engaging and feeding people and so on.  Which makes me not have much to say.  Do you understand?

I had this experience one night where I realized that calories are also my lovers (can you guess what drug was involved…? Not very subtle) and that I should pay more respect to each one passing through my body.  So I’m doing that.

Also, I have been carefully considering the spaces that each relationship creates.  The dynamics in each relationship play off expected dynamics in society and purposeful attempts to undermine these in some combination.  So I have been thinking about how to ethically address each relationship and turn it into some awesome reflection on society.  But not take the fun out of it.  So…you see, I’m full of these vague projects but no real opinions.  I’m going to stop now, but please comment with what you’d like to hear about from me, or anything you think.  Thank you!

The Haps

So I’m working on my qualifications to become a high-class call girl.  Besides having recently had a 2-day (plus one evening, so we could almost call it three days) date with a previously mentioned sexy man I work with, and having punctured the Institution (nope – don’t even ask, I’m working on confidentiality, of course), I just had coffee with the married writer of the popular television show 24.  What a success I am!  I just have to have even better control over confidentiality and some nicer clothes, and I think I’m set.

Apart from this, I went and saw a movie about Miss Indigo Blue’s burlesque academy, and that’s definitely something I’m going to participate in in the near future.  It just looked so sexy and empowering.  The girl that works at the Egyptian and sold me the ticket was in the movie, which just made me wonder how many people I walk by daily have the ability to be extremely sexy in a performance context.  I probably don’t, any more than you’d already expect, but…hmm….

So I think I’ve got 2 accessible targets planned for the next 2 weeks (details later), then I’m off to Africa, and I’ll be back with more tricks than ever.

Oh no!  I was just reading the last couple posts and realized that why I started meeting all these old men was because I was going to start *Dating* people.  For real.  Not just fucking them.  How did I forget that?  I think I’m either back to being completely satisfied with mostly sex, or else I’m just that much less broke that psychologically I don’t feel the need to be fed.  Either way.  Sex is just such a better method of getting to know somebody than going to dinner or something.  Plus people financially investing in me seems weird and I’m completely uncomfortable with it, but going out places doesn’t sound all that great either.  Unless it’s for breakfast.  I like going out for breakfast.

But does anybody want to weigh in on the dating thing?  Should I try to actually do something besides seduce people, or am I right that that’s the best part?

Breaking News! (Hearkening to the “Last Days” Section)

In this week of Marisa receiving more oral than she has before in her life, passing up sex in favor of sleep, and not having a night in her bed by herself…

Although I worked a 64 hour week, I still managed to fill up my bed (or plug holes in other peoples beds) quite successfully.  It’s spring, and everybody wants to fuck me!!! Yay!!!  Because I want them too!

Some firsts for the week:  Fooling around with a co-worker, breaking the 40-year-old barrier (Not once but TWICE!), turning down sex two nights in a row from people I care about and like.  Those are the main ones, although I’m sure there are more.

I played with one of the most classy people ever today, in a little rendezvous on a break from work.  It was quite nice.  He has nice white shirts and sexy urban cowboy hats and…well….I smelled that I could have him roughly 2 months ago and he finally made the move.

Anyway, just had to share my accomplishments.  I feel rather sexy, despite the fact that I’ve had an extreme lack of sleep, hygiene, and nutrition which is resulting in skin issues and so forth.  And!  I paid off my trip!

My Newest Voyage

This is literally a voyage.  Like at sea.  Me and a man moved my bed at least three feet in the course of about a half hour of sex.  If anybody would like to make a Newtonian analysis of what type of thrusting would make this possible, draw me a diagram and let me know.

Number 2

So these responses are a lot better.  I think I have one person I might meet up with.  But I won’t bore you with the details.  Here’s the most ridiculous thing I received:

To a Sea-Nymph

O nymph! Who loves to float on the green wave,
When Neptune sleeps beneath the moon-light hour,
Lull’d by the music’s melancholy pow’r,
O nymph, arise from out thy pearly cave!

For Hesper beams amid the twilight shade,
And soon shall Cynthia tremble o’er the tide,
Gleam on these cliffs, that bound the ocean’s pride,
And lonely silence all the air pervade.

Then, let thy tender voice at distance swell,
And steal along this solitary shore,
Sink on the breeze, till dying – heard no more –
Though wak’st the sudden magic of thy shell.

While the long coast in echo sweet replies,
Thy soothing strains the pensive heart beguile,
And bid the visions of the future smile,
O nymph! From out thy pearly cave – arise!

But I’m not writing back because that isn’t quite as good as the poem that somebody left at C-table on Saturday night last week.  It was about steamy wet showers together, two souls in one container kind of thing.   The girl that left the poem was probably 16 or so, and the two were on a 6-month anniversary date.  For pizza.  He made her paper flowers.  I forgot to make her paper flowers.  But her poem was nice, I don’t know why she left it.

Update #1: First wave of responses

So apparently after one day my ad was flagged.  Weird.  The first 6 responses were like this:

1.  WHATS YOUR # (exactly like that.  All caps, no question mark.)

2.  No text.  Pictures of a man in his late 30s-40s, 25-40 pounds overweight, not attractive.  Dark pictures taken alone with a webcam.

3.  Cocky but kind of cute, brings up scrabble, red wine, and tacos.  Appealing.  Unappealing:  brings up need of an air mattress when camping.

4.  List of traits.  Something like “social.  friendly.  26 years old.  170 pounds.  6’2″.  social drinker.  fun.  Waiting to hear back!”

5.  Number three again, cuter email with more complete sentences, more intelligent seeming too.

6.  “I’m interested, can I get a pic?”

So I replied to number 3/5, because it was ridiculous that he replied twice.  Turns out he’s kind of interesting, but 48.  Way too old for the likes of me, especially if he needs an air mattress.  If you need to camp on an air mattress (which means you’re car camping, which means you just ate burgers and didn’t hike..), imagine how bad of a hangover you’re going to have when I get you drunk and fuck you….

Disappointing, but we’ll see.

This is the text of it; it is back up:

Hi Homo sapiens,


I'm looking for someone to engage in the world with.  To plot and scheme and frolic with.  Just for fun; no expectations.  You might be somewhere along these lines:


- Owning fewer than 2 pairs of shoes


- Spending the summer in a tent, yurt, or nothing


- Told you think too much


- Cocky, but not self-centered


- Interested in crayons, skinny-dipping, dark beer, growing the perfect tomato




I might be somewhere along these lines:


- Unashamedly precocious, but in a cute way (hopefully)


- Thoughtful and articulate


- Enjoying the world


- Mysteriously not falling apart




Qualities that are secretly permissible:


- Coffee, beer and punctuation snobbery


- Thinking that it's possible to actually meet people on craigslist


- Not showering

Strategy

Well, we’ve all been curious about posting an ad on craigslist.  So I did it.  (I’m sure you can tell which one is mine – try the Seattle WSM section).  I’m not sure if I’m hoping to get anything out of it for real or not.  But we’ll see.

The goal is to find a couple of fun people that I can do fun things with like go on picnics and make dinner for.  Not that you all aren’t satisfying enough, but sometimes there are geographical barriers and sometimes other barriers.  I was originally going to post as a complete joke, looking for somebody with a yurt and a liquor cabinet to host me for a drunken summer, but then I realized that I could make more out of this whole thing.  So hopefully I’ll get somebody cute.  Until then expect me to make fun of all the lame replies.

This is part of me trying to navigate the dating world, a new voyage I’m undertaking as of now.

First reply: not funny, not relevant to my ad at all.  “Hi, I’m interested.  Here’s my info:  6’2″ 170 lbs social, friendly, funny, passionate” etc…LAME.  Anyway, I’m a bit excited about that.

Three Dates and a Rim

My new method of judging people:  everybody I’m interested in gets three dates and a rim.  The three dates is pretty self explanatory.  The rim:  If in the first sexual encounter you do something surprising and strange and it goes well, then there’s probably a good reason to be with them.  Make good sense?  I’m thinking it’s a pretty foolproof plan, but lets see how it goes.

Which launches into what my new project is.  My new project is going on actual fun dates and finding people who I really like and respect to fuck.  My first attempt didn’t go quite as planned, but that’s because I hadn’t really decided that I needed to go on real dates.

My first attempt was with a boy who owns 2 violet wands and at least 200 feet of rope.  He’s got a good thing going (translate: kudos from Marisa for knowing what you want, being clear about it, and keeping the world a more sexually positive place) which is tying up ladies (or couples) he meets wherever, shocking them, spanking/paddling them, but not fucking them or kissing them.  He keeps his clothes on.  I did not keep mine on.  It was completely comfortable and extremely consensual.  Pretty refreshing and enjoyable.
But not a date, and not somebody especially interested in who I actually am.  Probably because he’s got his own girlfriend and doesn’t need to be interested in other people.  But still…

I got shocked and tied up, which I can’t exactly complain about….:)